Archive for May 23rd, 2012

Since beginning this blog, and particularly in the last week or so of my life, I have experienced an intense degree of the following emotions:

Elationfrom incremental success towards something my heart wants but my brain battles.

Vulnerabilityfrom the exposure that comes when you take the risk, make the effort, do the hard work.

Fearof failure when I do.

Fearof regret when I don’t.

Does that concept sound foreign to you? I thought not.

But riddle me this…WHY?!

Why is it a known quantity of human existence that we often have to fight tooth and nail for the things we want most?

What’s the deal? Are we being punished by some supernatural or spiritual force?

Skirting a more thorough religious conversation for now, my short answer to the above is no. I do not believe in some cosmic hand purposefully misplacing pieces of our lives, throwing confusion and trauma our way just to make it interesting—or even helping us to truly “appreciate the good stuff“. No, I don’t believe that at all.

I do acknowledge that humans can be quite thick-headed though, and we often don’t recognize our blessings until they’re snatched away.

Conversely, we undoubtedly experience a much deeper satisfaction and protectiveness of our blissful states when they’ve been difficult to attain.

However, I see this as a byproduct—a given, a biological result of our most basic instinct to preserve that which we know or discover is precious.

I’ve been churning this topic for quite a bit in the last two days, and here’s what I’ve come up with:

I think our loftiest aspirations tend to be those that involve the most blood, sweat and tears, because they’re usually the ones that require us to CHALLENGE our biology. We are animals AND we are (wo)men, and the drives of the former can be overwhelmingly strong—survive, maintain the status quo, don’t risk that which could result in demise of any sort.

Often, our greatest goals require us to disavow that instinct for complacency. They demand complete exposure of the thing we protect most fiercely. Ourselves!

When you accept the challenge, do the work and risk that exposure, fear of and the potential for failure accompanies proportionately.

Whatever it is—a new job, a successful relationship, an A on a paper—and whether or not anyone else would care, it is monumental and scary for YOU.

And that’s why I think  the “good” stuff always FEELS like the “hard” stuff–because we only decide to step away from what’s safe for the things we really want, and thus the fear of disappointment comes in equal measure.

And so–bollocks!–at the end of the day, there’s really nothing we can do to make our personal cliff-jumping any easier.

What we can do, and what I plan to do as I move forward with this time in my life, is remember that if there’s any emotion more powerful, more terrible than fear, it’s REGRET.

Me personally? I want to continue living my life in this vulnerable state, experiencing the greatest highs as a result, even knowing that I am equally vulnerable to the greatest lows. To me, that beats out remaining stagnant, protected, NUMB any day.

What’s your choice?

If you’ve gotten this far, thank you for listening to my ramblings. And I can’t stress enough that I would LOVE your feedback on anything, so feel free to comment at the bottom!

Let’s end things today with quick reel of some tasty nibbles from the last two workdays!

Monday Breakfast: Whole wheat English muffin with Honey Cinnamon Flax Almond Butter (be still my heart!); Plain Chobani with Splenda, cinnamon and raspberries

Raspberry Remix

Veggies with Pesto mayo: 1) Try 2) Knock (except you won’t)

New top snack competitor, idea courtesy of my friend Sara from Sarasmiles! Cottage cheese with Nature Valley Peanut Butter granola bar crumbled a-top. Perfect salty/sweet combo!

Tuesday Breakfast: SLAMMIN’ bowl of Office Overnight Oats: Day before–1 package plain Quaker Instant Oatmeal, vanilla soy milk, 1/2 container plain Chobani Greek yogurt. Morning after ;)–Kashi Go Lean cereal, cinnamon, pinch of salt, hefty spoonful o’ Honey Cinnamon Flax Almond Butter

Utterly delicious organic Cameo apple to accompany the above

Sorry I’m not sorry I love SANDWICHES! (Boar’s Head Oven Gold, provolone, lettuce, pesto mayo on toasted whole wheat)

AND Mrs. Fields Nibblers

Hope you enjoyed those few little ticklers! Have a great Tuesday night!


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